Growth is a Huge Part of This Journey
Something that I have been learning recently is that you grow the most after going through something hard. Instead of taking my time and going through all the hard shit that has happened to me I am going to instead reflect on the positive growth that I have seen in me within the last nineteen months that I have been serving here in Uganda with the Peace Corps. I honestly think that it is very important to take time and reflect when you are going through such an adventure as this as much as you can. This being said today I am taking time to reflect how I have grown.
I have been really lonely lately because of recent things that have been happening. I was having a crisis over it because I don’t really like to be alone much. However, now I look at it and realize how truly independent I have become. I am slowly realizing that I am actually quite comfortable in my aloneness. I love living on my own, it gives me the time to read more, write more, and to reflect about life when I need to the most. Through my independence I am now comfortable traveling and navigating new places alone. I love going to meals, movies, and coffee shops alone and trying new things. Now, I am not enough of an introvert to be able to constantly be this independent. I do still love being with friends and meeting new people in order to go on adventures, chat about life, and create lasting memories. I just have become comfortable on my own and do not need people around me to enjoy my day. This is a big thing for me because I have never been good on my own. I will admit that my loneliness still does get to me at times and I crumble in my aloneness, but I will stop there because I don’t want to dwell on my struggles.
Along with beginning to become more independent I have also been able to start focusing on myself and my self-care in order to take care of me so that I can teach and continue to invest in my community. If I am not full than I cannot be any good to other people. With my anxiety I struggle putting myself sometimes. I want to put everyone first but sometimes I have to say no I need to stay in and color, or write, or paint, or read, or just watch TV for hours to escape from my anxiety, my fear, and forget about my loneness just for a while in order to invest more into others. I guess you can kind of tie this to becoming more independent but I honestly think that it is more than just that. It Is becoming strong enough to say I need to take care of me today so I can continue to do my job adequately. Honestly, you are nothing to others if you don’t take care of yourself first. It took moving to Uganda and going through hell with relationship issues, health problem, and just navigating a new community.
The last thing that I have realized that I have grown in is that I am a lot braver then I have ever been. I no longer say no to things out of fear instead I say yes and choose excitement and joy instead of fear. I have always been afraid to travel to new places on my own. And now I am currently planning an extended COS trip by myself to places around Africa and this is a big thing for me. I need to be okay with going to places alone because we are not guaranteed people to travel with us. Because of this I know get to see more of the world through solo travel. I will leave Uganda stronger, braver, more independent, and hopefully kinder as I continue to travel the world and move on to my next step in life which I will talk to you about on my next blog.
Talk to you soon lovelies. Thank you for following along on my journey. As always ask me any questions and tell me what you’d like to hear from me about my remaining months in Uganda.