Jesus Where You At?
I identify as a born again Christian, which if you are not familiar with the term born again basically means that I am reborn in Christ because he died for my sins. Now with all that being said I am about to get real. Now, if you were to look at my life I would probably be called a bad Christian. I don’t pray enough, I don’t read my bible enough, I cuss, I drink, I have sex, and I can be a bitch. Now, in my opinion those things don’t make me a bad Christian. Now if you hold this opinion that is fine, but I don’t need your judgment. I believe that all that matters is your heart and how you love. I have been feeling distant from the Lord lately and a little like he has abandoned me and if I am honest it is because other people condemn me for the choices that I have made and I don’t think that’s fair. Now, I know that in many ways I am sinning but you know what that’s between me and God and that doesn’t make me a bad Christian.
I am currently trying my hardest to feel a lot less distant from the Lord and push to feel closer to him because the world doesn’t get to judge me and I know that no matter what decisions I make God still loves me. Now some people say that I feel distant from the Lord because of the “poor choices” I have been making and that’s honestly not it because I don’t regret anything about the past year. I feel distant because shit happens and sometimes you walk away from the Lord. I am sorry but I am sick of the judgment that people give because the Christian lifestyle they live doesn’t look like they believe it should. You cannot tell someone how to have a relationship with the Lord it doesn’t work this way.
Now, I am sure some of you are asking how Peace Corps has affected my relationship. It’s complicated, obviously Peace Corps is not the reason I have become distant from the Lord. However, I don’t have a community around me to keep me accountable, I don’t have a church to go to so I am not getting poured into at all, and at times I feel alone so that does make me a bit more distant. Now let me also quickly explain, this is not because of Peace Corps it’s because of me. I am the reason I am distant and all I need to do is fight back. If I tried harder I could find a community, I could find a church. I said in my last blog that I am working on my relationship with the Lord and my goal for the year is to make my relationship with the Lord better and become closer. I want to make myself right. I don’t know yet what that is going to look like but we will see and I will take you all on the journey. This is all for now. I felt like in order for you to follow my journey with renewing my relationship with the Lord I needed to tell you where I am at.
As always please feel free to ask me any questions. I am an open book and will always answer what I can. I might even turn some questions into blog posts. Stay tuned for my continued adventures.