Beauty in Ashes.
Lately my fear has really been getting the best of me. My anxiety has been bad lately thinking about all the change that is coming. I am so excited to be on this journey into the Peace Corps! Getting to live in Uganda for twenty-seven months is a dream come true. However thinking about all of the things I have to get done in order to get there has me going crazy. Not to mention the fact that I am going to be away from all that I know for twenty-seven months. All of these things are making me more anxious then I have been in such a long time. I find myself crying out to God asking for peace and grace in this time of change.
"With my fear I find myself asking, 'But what if I fall?' The answer is simple, 'Oh darling, what if you fly?' You are more likely to fall when you let your fear stop you from trying"
However, I have found the beauty in the ashes of my anxiety and fear. Because in the past week God has been reminding me to take everything one day at a time. All of my anxiety is because I am so focused on that end goal which is moving to Uganda with the Peace Corps. When I think about the end goal I think about everything I have to do I think about all the people that I will be leaving behind. All of this combined causes me to fear and question what I am doing, which causes me to have anxiety. I ask the question of what if I don't go? What if I choose to stay. Even with all the doubts that are spinning around in my head I know that this is the plan that God has for me! The path that He has called me to. Which makes me think that all of this fear and anxiety is just Satan trying to tear me down and make me doubt because he his afraid of what Jesus is going to do through me while I am in the Peace Corps. So, right now I am trying my best to take everything one step at a time. Take my to do list and check things off one thing at a time instead of looking at the big picture. I am praying that I can focus on today, each day, praying that I begin to enjoy my time with people and I can make lasting memories with the people that I am going to have to say goodbye to for twenty-seven months. I knew that this was going to happen doubt is inevitable it's something that sadly comes about especially with someone who has anxiety.
"I am praying that I can focus on today, each day, praying that I begin to enjoy my time with people and I can make lasting memories with the people that I am going to have to say goodbye to for twenty-seven months."
With all this being said, I am choosing to find the beauty in the ashes. I refuse to let my anxiety get in the way of this incredibly exciting time in my life. I am choosing to trust Jesus, trust that this is His plan. I am choosing joy I plan to enjoy each moment of this journey. I chose life and not getting wrapped up in the worry and fear of saying goodbye but instead focusing on living up this life and making the most of it and not worrying about my to do list. I choose Jesus everyday and I will follow Him where ever He leads and right now that is into the Peace Corps.
"My challenge to each of you is that if you also struggle with anxiety and fear choose to find the beauty in the ashes focus on taking everything one day, at a time. Look for the beauty in everything, don't dwell on the ashes. Let God take control and I promise your life will change each day for the better."
Goodbye for now