12 days.

12 day count down?

        Instead of counting down I am counting up. It has been 12 days since I graduated college. 12 days since I took my very last final. 12 days since I have enter this new chapter of my life. 12 days since I enter life and forced into adulthood. I am still in shock over the fact that I get to tell people that I am done with college. There are also so many emotions that go along with graduation: fear, excitement, loneliness, and thankfulness.
         "Never apologize for being sensitive or emotional. Let this be a sign that you’ve got a big heart and aren’t afraid to let others see it. Showing your emotions is a sign of strength- Brigitte Nicole"
        Fear, oh the fear. I have been in school since I was four years old. All I can think about is who am I without school, where does my identify now fall? I know deep down that my identity doesn't lie anywhere except for in Jesus and the life He has for me. However, I let the world dictate who I say I am. The world tells me that I need to find my identity in what I do, how I spend my time, and who I spend my time with. Honestly I have always struggled with my identity because the world so often tries to tell me who I have to be. Except you know what the world doesn't get to tell me who I am. My identity comes from who I am in Jesus Christ. I am the daughter of the most high king. That makes me worthy, that makes me loved, that makes me valued! My goal for entering into this next season of life is to keep my identity in Christ. Another part of my fear lies in what's next?! My heart is in Uganda and I want to be there full time. That takes trust, that takes patience, and that takes funds. I am afraid to begin the process of getting to Uganda for longer time. I know that my God is powerful enough to move mountains to get me to Uganda. Now I need to just trust in Him.
          "Except you know what the world doesn't get to tell me who I am. My identity comes from who I am in Jesus Christ. I am the daughter of the most high king. That makes me worthy, that makes me loved, that makes me valued!"
         Excitement what complete excitement! I don't ever have to write another paper, study for another test, read another textbook, or sit in another class if I don't want to. That is exciting. I have my entire life ahead of me! I can go anywhere God calls, I can do whatever I want, I have the entire world in front of me. It's so exciting being able to see so much ahead of me and having so much of life in front of me. Sometimes I get so scared because I can do anything and be anything God calls, but my excitement by far outweighs my fears with the possibilities of what is too come that there is no room for fear. 
         "God can bring me on whatever adventure He calls to my life and I can't wait to see what He has in store!"
         Loneliness, I have to face it with grad life comes loneliness. My friends are all now living farther away from me than ever. We are now in the same situations in life, just not in the same place, which is hard. For the past year and a half these girls have been my community, they still are my community and will forever be my best friends. I just can't call them and tell them to come over for a movie night. Or tell them to just come over and talk. We can't have random dance parties. This leaves for loneliness because the people I spent all my time with are no longer around and I don't have another community yet. These girls will forever be my community, my best friends, my supporters, and the people I go to first. So now I hunt for a community, a community of believers that together we can do life and grow closer to God while spreading the Gospel to this broken world. Loneliness leads to depression and anxiety, which are two things I already battle with. God can protect me from this and I know that He will, He will bring me to the perfect community I just have to wait and trust.
         "So now I hunt for a community, a community of believers that together we can do life and grow closer to God while spreading the Gospel to this broken world."
Lastly, grad life brings me to thankfulness. I am so thankful God brought me to Jessup. He brought me into an amazing school that was centered around Christ. I got an amazing education from professors who care so much about their students, they stop everything to pray, and they share with their students Jesus' amazing love each day. God bringing me to Jessup also brought me an amazing group of friends that will be friends for life. I am forever thankful that He hand placed these girls into my life. They have been here for me when no one else was. They have seen me at my worst and have loved me through it all. They have seen me cry, have seen my heart break, and been here to pray with me, and I know they always will. They have taught me so much about myself, about Jesus, and about friendship. With all this said graduating from Jessup is one of the best choices that I made, and I will be forever thankful that God brought me on this journey.
         "They have taught me so much about myself, about Jesus, and about friendship."

Grad life is rough, and yet so exciting, and it's only been twelve days. Jesus is teaching me more than ever and I can't wait to continue learning from Him. With starting this new chapter in life all I have is the constant love, grace, and trust that is Jesus, Grad life, let's do this!
"With starting this new chapter in life all I have is the constant love, grace and trust that is Jesus."
Goodbye for now 
XOXO Chantelle 

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